Tomorrow I’ll be twenty-three.  It will be new and incredibly different.

The morning won’t greet me with the quiet touch of a familiar black-haired boy’s hand and the hushed mumble of good wishes and well-worn love. I won’t sink deeper into my shared bed until the warmed cotton gives me courage enough to sprint across the room through biting September air. I won’t peer out to West End and grin like a kid, knowing for a fact that I have everything figured out and the world is filled with idiots for not having done so themselves.

It was September and I was twenty-two. And all at once I understood that I needed to feel what it was like to have no idea what happens next. And so I breathed deeply and cried the hardest I ever have and rearranged everything.
It was horrendous medicine.

I’ll wake alone in a few hours. It’ll be in Brooklyn and by the hand of a wildly bright ray that hits my eyes at a quarter to eight. The sun will soak my walls and fill up my candy-colored glass bottles. Everything in the room will be shimmering and beautiful and mine.

I’m the oldest I’ve ever been and know infinitely less than I ever have. This is the first year that I am not certain what happens next. And that will be good for now.

Here's to gorgeously uncharted waters.

 


Comments

09/29/2012 6:16am

Hope you had an incredible birthday! It's definitely daunting not knowing what comes next, but that's just a part of life and we've gotta embrace it :)

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10/01/2012 12:21pm

Thank you Whitney! It was pretty great. Learning to embrace whatever's next is a challenge, but a bit easier knowing most are in the same boat. :)

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